Letter Home from Camp

Hi Mom & Dad,

Everything’s OK here, the sun is bright and it is in the 80’s. Doug brought his SPF 360, so I’ll be well protected. On the drive down Tim only got pulled over twice. Once near DC and another time right on the border of Georgia and Florida. That was a scary one, the police man’s car had a confederate flag painted on the front hood. Luckily he let Tim go without any tickets or jail time. I think it was because Cait started eating her bag of Brussel Sprouts in the car and the police man couldn’t take the smell. In any case, we avoided any further trouble on our drive and arrived in Clermont, Florida around 2am on Wednesday morning.

The house we are staying in is large, yet we have made quick work of filling it with all of our stuff. There is enough Powerbar nutrition here to feed the US troops occupying Afghanistan for at least 6 months. There is also a strangely large amount of pistachio shells in just about every nook and cranny of the living room. I am not sure how they got there, but I have a hunch that some sort of varmint is taking over in the wee hours of the night. I will put traps out and update you as to my progress on taking down this unwanted house-mate.

I tried to pass a swimming test today; the highest one but failed. Coach Jesse yelled at me for a good 10 minutes. Then I took the second highest one and did it. I am now able to swim to the deep end of the meter pool. We also went on a run around the Clay Trails. I ran really fast around this one part where a bunch of boys were firing rifles at empty beer cans. It was scary and I am glad that I can run fast.

Florida has a lot of natural beauty. Just last night we were near the swamp lands, real close to the everglades border. While we were running a real live alligator made an appearance. It was real scary but Coach John stepped in and saved the day. Just like he always says, “when an animal is threatening you, you must stand your ground and become the Alpha Male”. True to his word, Coach John ripped off his shirt Hulk Hogan style, started sprinting directly at the alligator and subsequently scared that alligator so much that it tucked its tail between its legs and hightailed it back into the darkness of the night. Coach John at this point was foaming at the mouth and his eyes were a strange yellow color. None of us campers were sure if this was from his gluten free diet or if he was some kind of strange animal-whisperer. From that point on Coach John received an eerily reverent respect whenever he addressed a camper. Funny thing is, Coach John left in the middle of camp and no one has heard a word from him since.

We eat a lot of food down here at camp. Just yesterday Pedro ate 6 burritos, 4 2-liter Pepsi’s and a half dozen bagels during our 2 hour bike ride. Also, my friend Pat eats 3 large cheese pizzas every night. It’s pretty unbelievable how much they can eat. All the gluten free women in the house hate Pat for his pizza eating and are secretly planning a late night raid of his cupboard. I am scared for the outfall that may ensue. I fear having to side with Pat or the women of our house. Pat and I are drastically outnumbered, yet I feel a strange sort of loyalty to Pat and his pizza eating. I know not yet of my choice, however I feel confident that in the heat of the moment I will make the right decision.

UPDATE: I sided with Pat on the pizza issue. We are now camped out in the front yard, using my car as our storage unit. It’s not so bad though, the sprinklers make for great alarm clocks.

Just the other day, we were all hanging around the house talking about our most recent race’s. Chris kept telling us how fast he can run. We were all super impressed and secretly hoped an alligator would come out at us the next time we were in the swamp so we could see his speed. Unfortunately this did not occur and we are left with only his word. He is pretty tall and skinny so in this instance I’ll talk his word and would not bet against him. His fiancé knitted me a winter hat, she is nice, I like her.

More later, but its lights out now.

Love,

Matt

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